


Congratulations

by cillasstuff



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:05:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cillasstuff/pseuds/cillasstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared have been trying for years to have an baby and after suffering five miscarriages, he was terrified to try for a sixth time. Suddenly at 45 he's fat, pregnant, the butt of Chad's jokes and now the father of a six year old girl that he'd thought was lost to him forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Congratulations

**Author's Note:**

> This a submission for the Mpreg Big Bang.

 

They looked so fucking happy, Jensen thought, as he enviously watched the couple in the restaurant. It was a pregnant Carrier and his partner-husband-boyfriend, whatever, Jensen wasn’t sure which. But they suddenly reminded him of himself and Jared when they were that age, young and newly in love, thinking they had forever to start a family. That was when they had just started trying to get pregnant, before all of the heartache that went along with it and before they had finally given up.

But here he sat twenty years, five miscarriages and a painful court loss to a surrogate later, childless and forty-five, but still so in love with Jared that it hurt that he couldn’t give him the only thing he’d ever asked of Jensen, a child.

He tried not to let himself get emotional about it, but sometimes when Jared was away and he was home alone, he felt the pain of being unable to feel a life growing inside of him. He used to cry himself to sleep every night, and Jared would hold him until he had no more tears to cry. He still cried, but now it was not every day, mainly when Jared wasn’t around, so only one of them felt like a failure.

Jensen checked his watch, not really wanting to know the time, but it gave him something to do other than stare at the couple and end up in a funk before his nephew joined him for lunch. He smiled as he thought about Logan all grown up; well, almost grown. He’d be heading to college the next year and he was in L.A. visiting UCLA as a possible choice of schools. Jensen hoped he chose the school because it would be nice having him this close where they could spoil him even more than they already did.

He spotted the teenager as soon as he entered the restaurant and noticed how he caught the eye of several of the patrons as he passed them. He laughed and thought that the next generation of Ackles turned just as many heads as the one before it had. Well he laughed until he saw the t-shirt that Logan wore. Princeton. The last time he checked Princeton was in New Jersey not California.

“Hi Uncle Jensen,” Logan greeted with a sheepish smile as he sat across from his uncle.

“Princeton, huh?” Jensen asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t know how to tell you and Uncle Jared because I knew you guys wanted me to come to college here, but Princeton was always my first choice.”

“Logan, this is your life, and as much as Jared and I wanted you to come here and hang with us, you have to do what’s right for you.” Jensen lied through his fake smile. “So what’re you going to order? The steak is good here.”

He saw his nephew visibly relax when he changed the subject, and he knew that he must have said the right things. Once he’d seen the t-shirt, he’d wanted to grab the boy and shake him for leading him on. He hadn’t though, and he forced himself to sit through the lunch and chew the sawdust that had cost him a month’s worth of groceries just so his nephew wouldn’t feel bad about going to the school of his choice instead of Jensen’s.

As soon as he returned home after seeing Logan off at the hell that was LAX, he went straight for the liquor cabinet. After he poured himself a drink he walked upstairs to the room that he and Jared had first planned to use as a nursery. Neither of them had entered it since the court took their child four years ago, until earlier this year when Logan started visiting colleges.

Jared had paid someone to clear out the baby things that he’d bought over the years and purchased furniture so it would be ready for Logan. They had fought about it, but Jared hadn’t wanted him to go through the emotional upheaval that clearing out the room would have caused. He knew Jared was right and he really didn’t put up that much of a fight because all he’d been able to concentrate on at the time was the fact that he would finally have a child in that room, even if it wasn’t his and Jared’s.

They hadn’t painted or decorated; they were leaving that for Logan when he moved in. Jensen sat on the floor with his back to the foot of the bed and cried. How pathetic was he? He couldn’t convince a seventeen-year-old boy to come the land of sun, sand, and hot girls so that he could pretend that for once he had a child. He had never once entertained the thought that this child would reject him as well.

He had promised himself that he wasn’t going to do this again, wasn’t going to let himself be ripped apart by a kid, but dear god! How many times was he going to get kicked in the balls for wanting something of his own to love? He hadn’t realized how much he had pinned his hopes on Logan until Logan was gone. How was it the he felt like he now had an empty nest when his nest had never been filled?

He was still sitting in the same place when Jared came home from a meeting a couple of hours later. His tears had dried, but the pain was still sitting in his heart, threatening to explode from his chest and splatter across the freshly painted room. Jared had learned over the years that no reassurance would soothe Jensen’s hurt when it came to the disappointment of children, so he just held him until the heaving stopped.

“Jay, why do you love me?” Jensen asked with a voice that was hoarse from crying.

Jared removed his arms from Jensen’s shoulders and turned his body so they were facing each other. “What do you mean why do I love you?”

“I can’t give you the only thing you’ve ever wanted from me, so why are you still here with me when you could easily find someone else who can!” Jensen clarified.

“The only thing I’ve ever wanted from you was your love; the rest would’ve been gravy, Jen.” Jared tried to reassure him. “Hell we didn’t even know you were a Carrier when we got together, so that wasn’t the attraction baby. It’s always been you.”

“I just thought that we’d have kids like everyone else, but now we’re going to all of our friends’ kids’ recitals, and birthday parties, and now graduations. I’m happy for them Jay, I am, but god it hurts! And you know what else hurts? We’ve been denied every fucking way we’ve tried but it doesn’t seem to bother you.”

“It’s not that it didn’t bother me or that I’m not hurt. It’s just that I gave up on that dream a long time ago, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to keep putting you through that. The hoping and praying that always ended in disappointment, not to mention the toll it took on your body.” Jared explained. “You’re enough for me Jen.”

As though to prove it, Jared turned Jensen’s face towards his and began to kiss the tracks of his tears until he reached those full soft lips, where he began to worship Jensen’s mouth. The kiss was soft and gentle. It wasn’t about lust, it was about love. It was Jared showing Jensen that he wanted to spend the next twenty years with him, children or not.

At least Jensen hoped that’s what the kiss was saying, because Jared had put his foot down a year ago and told Jensen that they were going to stop trying for a baby. Jared had refused to touch him until he had gotten rid of thermometers, ovulation kits, and even pregnancy tests. Before Jensen had completely given in, Jared had gone out of the country for six months to film a movie, so this would actually be the first non-baby making sex that they’d had in about eighteen years.

“We’re too old for this,” Jensen told Jared as he pushed the younger man off him to sit up.

“Are you saying that we’re too old to have sex?” Jared questioned in a voice filled with disbelief.

“Oh, no,” Jensen corrected, “I’m just saying that we are too old to have sex on the floor when we have a nice comfy bed available a few feet away in our bedroom.”

Standing up first, Jared reached for Jensen’s hand to help him up, “Come on old man, let’s see what you’ve got.

After twenty years, Jensen knew Jared’s body as well as he knew his own, like the fact that Jared loved it when he sucked on his Adams apple and that Jared has dimples in his lower back as well as on his face. Jared knew that he drove Jensen crazy when he sucked on Jensen’s collarbone and he’d declared the freckle on Jensen’s hip his favorite because it was the only one in that location and it needed special attention. Even with his flaws and knowledge, after all these years, it still amazed him that he could make this beautiful man desperate for him.

There was a time when someone would have been thrown against a wall, clothes would have been ripped, or they would have never made it to the bedroom at all. The passion and the urgency are still there, they were just demonstrated differently, because it didn’t matter how many bad guys Jared beat up in his movies, he just couldn’t move the way he used too.

Once inside the room, Jensen started to undress, but Jared stilled his hands wanting the pleasure for himself. Jared started with a kiss as he unbuttoned the shirt Jensen was wearing. He had to smile because he still couldn’t resist Jensen’s full lips.

Jared kissed each bit of pale, freckled skin he exposed as though he was discovering it for the first time. Once the shirt had been removed, Jared quickly took off his pants and shoes. The minute they were gone, he bent down and took Jensen’s cock in his mouth. Jensen smiled when he heard the pop in Jared’s knee, because he remembered nursing him after the surgery.

Taking pity on Jared’s knees, Jensen reluctantly pulled him off and guided them towards the bed where they’d both be comfortable, enjoying the show as Jared undressed. At forty-one, he was in better shape than most men half his age and Jensen still got a thrill knowing that it was his.

When Jared joined Jensen on the bed, Jensen bent his knees and spread his legs, giving his lover room to slide in between them. Instead of going back to Jensen’s cock, Jared slid up Jensen’s body to claim his lips in another kiss. The feel of skin on skin made it feel as though their bodies were kissing and Jensen let out a low whine at the sensation.

“Jay,” He sighed. “Missed you like this, been too long.”

“I know baby,” Jared responded. “I know. Trust me; I’ll take care of you.”

Jensen writhed and moaned as Jared proceeded to do just that, starting by kissing his way back down Jensen’s body. When he came to Jensen’s right hip, he stopped, looking up at Jensen, and asked, “How is my favorite freckle? He still looks lonely so I’ll have to kiss him and make it better.”

“It’s not the only thing that’s been lonely and needs kissing Jay. Please don’t tease,” he begged as he bucked his hips under Jared’s tender onslaught.

“Always serious about this,” he promised, and after showing his favorite freckle love, he moved down to Jensen’s cock and, like the freckle, started with a kiss. He worked his tongue around the head, delved into the slit there, and smiled at the noises that he pulled from Jensen.

He moved his mouth down until the crown hit the back of his throat and slowly began to bob his head and each drag of his mouth pulled a different sound from Jensen.

“God Jay, your mouth, so good,” Everything felt so good, but Jared was torturing him with the slow movements. Each time Jensen was going to complain, that warm wet mouth would swallow him down, and the only sound he could make was some kind of non-human whine. Jensen decided that he was going to try to change the pace and bucked his hips upwards to get a faster rhythm going, only to be pinned to the bed by Jared’s large forearm.

When that didn’t work, Jensen wrapped his hands in Jared’s thick hair in an attempt to to spur him own and Jared stopped the wicked things he’d been doing with his mouth, giving Jensen an evil look. Jensen just gave in, and let that mouth go back where it belonged.

 

Jensen had had enough. He wasn’t going to last if Jared did get inside him soon. Years of trying for a baby had stopped them from using condoms. Very carefully, because he didn’t want to dislodge Jared’s mouth, he pulled open the drawer on the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of lube, before tossing it to Jared.

Jared grabbed the bottle and liberally coated his fingers, then pressed the first in past Jensen’s tight ring up to his knuckle.

“Please…” Jensen begged and pressed down, trying to fuck himself on the lubed finger that was opening him up.

“So beautiful Jen… so beautiful,” Jared said reverently as he added a second, and then a third finger. “Still the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

“Ready, Jay, please god, please I’m ready.” Jensen sobbed, reaching down and trying to pull the big man up his body.

“Patience, Jen,” Jared said as he moved to his knees, prompting Jensen to spread his legs wider. He lined his cock up with Jensen’s tight hole and slid home. Once he bottomed out, Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared’s hips and held on.

It had been so long, and it seemed as though Jensen’s entire body was on fire while Jared continued his torment of slow, steady strokes, no matter how much Jensen encouraged him to go faster. It felt so damned good as wave after wave of pleasure washed through him. Jensen wasn’t sure if the pleasure was so intense because it had been so long, or if it was because they were making love for pleasure and not trying to make a baby, but either way, it was good.

“Touch yourself Jen,” Jared whispered as though he was sharing a secret.

With trembling hands, Jensen reached between then and began to stroke his dick. It added another level of pleasure and he didn’t even mind when he realized that his strokes matched Jared’s. He moved his hand up, let his thumb slide through the precome, and then down again, until his entire body was one large erogenous zone.

He tried to look at Jared, but his eyes were too unfocused. He did make out the smile that Jared bestowed on him before he leaned in to mouth along Jensen’s jawline. A few minutes later when Jared’s teeth scraped that sensitive spot behind his ear, Jensen felt his balls tighten up and he came, making a mess on both of their stomachs.

As soon as Jensen came, Jared took Jensen by surprise by speeding up his strokes, hitting his sweet spot over and over, making his dick twitch and think that it was going to get hard again, before he felt the warmth of Jared’s come painting his insides.

Jensen was the first to admit that his recovery time wasn’t the same as it used to be, but then neither was Jared’s. Because they were no longer able to fuck like rabbits, Jensen believed this had become the most intimate time that they shared. This post-coital time was when they were at their most vulnerable and told each other their deepest, darkest secrets that no one else got to know. It was during this time when Jensen had first confessed to Jared that he felt like a failure because he couldn’t give him a child and Jared had told him that it didn’t matter.

“I love you, Jensen,” Jared vowed.

“I love you too, Jared,” Jensen told Jared. “I know that I get obsessed, but I’m trying, I really am.”

“I know that. I just want you to stop beating yourself up over something that you had no control over.”

They lay there, just kissing and reconnecting with each other. Jared would be gone again the next week on another overseas location, and Jensen wanted to make sure that he was coming back, because he was old enough to know that love didn’t necessarily conquer all.

“I. I got rid of everything while you were gone,” Jensen quietly confessed.

Jared had been gone for a while so that he could avoid talking about babies. In the past six months, the only sex Jensen had had been with is right hand. When Jared did come home, it wasn’t for long, so Jensen finally got the message. He threw everything away: the books, the holistic shit, and the tests. Eighteen years was long enough to realize that a baby wasn’t in the cards for them. But Jared, Jared was. Jared was here, Jared was real, and Jensen knew Jared was the one thing that he couldn’t live without in his life.

“I know and I’m glad. No, I’m goddamned proud of you because I know how hard that had to have been for you.”

The next two weeks were like a second honeymoon for them. There was lots of touching, kissing, handholding, and sex. Lots of loving.

Two days before Jared was due to go on location, Chad and Kenzie invited them over for a family cookout. Jensen could tell that Jared was nervous, because most of their friends had children, several had new babies, and he wasn’t sure how Jensen was going to react to being around them. Hell, Jensen wasn’t sure but he had to start somewhere.

They were there ten minutes when some of the older kids grabbed him for an impromptu wrestling match, and Jensen found that the experience was different when he wasn’t constantly obsessing about when he would have his own kids. He didn’t fool himself; it was going to be a while before those feelings were completely gone. But for now, he’d just take them one day at a time.

 

>

Jensen was setting up his shot when the nausea set in; he had just finished a salad the P.A. had gotten him from craft services and now he was going to have to wait until the set was cleaned before he could start shooting. Unless he passed out, he wasn’t going to worry about why he had thrown up, because he couldn’t afford to get sick. Jared would be home in four weeks and he wanted to have this in the can by then so he could take two weeks to get reacquainted with Jared before he started post-production.

He didn’t understand how he’d caught a bug, because he was usually careful about his health and had been since the third season of Supernatural when there’d been a nasty bug going around and he’d caught it. He hadn’t known that he was pregnant and the antibiotics he’d taken had caused him to miscarry. This time, there wasn’t a chance of a miscarriage, but he didn’t want to get sick and behind schedule.

“If I’d have known that this was the greeting I was going to get when you told me to visit you on set, I’d have stayed at home and watched my kid throw up,” came the sarcastic reply from behind him.

“Yeah Chad, I know that looking is all you’d do because Kenzie would be the one cleaning it up.” Jensen said as he rinsed his mouth out with bottled water.

“Whatever,” was Chad’s intelligent reply.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Jensen asked.

“I had some reshoots on the next soundstage, and since I was here I thought I’d keep an eye on you like I told Jay-man I would. Besides, he’d do the same for me.”

“As a grown-ass man, I resent that. I think I can manage just fine on my own.” Jensen complained, “Besides, fucker, I’m not Jared’s wife.”

“Oh… so Jay-man bottoms then?”

“You do realize that this is my set and I can have you thrown off it, right?” Jensen threatened.

“Yeah, okay Mr. Big-time-might-be-nominated-for-an-Oscar-director.” Chad offered a backhanded compliment.

Jensen watched the crew as they cleaned up the set, and knowing that it was going to take more than a few minutes, he led Chad to his trailer-cum-office.

“Okay Chad, why are you really here?” Jensen asked, “I don’t understand why Jared would have you check up on me all of a sudden, and the word ‘baby’ had better not come out of your fucking mouth.”

Chad’s silence was his answer.

“Why would he do this? I thought we had settled this before he left.”

“Maybe because he’s scared of what he’ll come home to, Jen,” Chad softly answered. “Will he be spending his time comforting you, or being your partner?”

“You know what Chad, this is between Jared and me. We’ll talk about it when he gets back home.”

“Sure man, I understand” Chad said as he stood up to go, “but where do you think he goes for comfort and reassurance? Look, let’s have dinner tonight and talk.”

“Not tonight. I want to finish this shoot tonight so that I can take some time off when Jared gets home. How about lunch tomorrow, noon.”

“Lunch is good,” Chad agreed.

Jensen finished the shoot. It took him until three a.m. to complete, but in the end, he was satisfied with what he had. He was so tired, more so than usual and was tempted to call Chad and cancel lunch, but the asshole would just track him down, so he decided it would be easier to just show up and get it over with.

When Jensen woke the next morning, he felt off kilter, and when he rolled from the bed, he suddenly became so dizzy that he had to sit down. When he looked at the clock, it read ten-thirty. It was really too late to eat breakfast since he was going to meet Chad for lunch, but he needed to eat something, so he settled for toast, fruit and coffee. After he had eaten the light breakfast he felt relief from the dizzy spells.

By the time he met up with Chad at the restaurant, Jensen was still just as tired as he had been the night before, and if he hadn’t known better, he’d have sworn that he’d never made it to bed. He felt like he did when he and Jared used to stay up all night drinking. Chad was waiting for him when he arrived.

“What the hell is wrong with you? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, you look like shit, man,” Chad told him in lieu of a greeting.

“Thanks,” Jensen snarked, “I woke up feeling like crap and it hasn’t gotten any better.”

“You’re sweating worse than Jared,” Chad pointed out.

“Order me something cold to drink while I go to the head,” Jensen demanded as he stood up. Or rather, he tried to stand, but another wave of dizziness hit him and he fell back into his chair.

“Jensen?” Chad asked, worry coloring his voice.

“I’m fine. Just feeling a bit off today,” Jensen reassured his friend. “I think I may be coming down with whatever was going around the set, and if you remember, I threw up yesterday.”

“Like I’m going to forget that,” Chad shook his body in disgust. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I think that I just need to get some food in me,” Jensen reassured his friend. He hoped that was all it was because he knew that if he didn’t look better by the end of their lunch, Chad was going to call Jared and make him worry for nothing.

Chad signaled the server over and Jensen stood to remove the jacket he was wearing, because he was ungodly hot, as well sweaty. He wanted to go to the men’s room and put some cold water on his face, but he didn’t trust his shaky legs to get him there.

“What can I get you to drink?” the server asked.

“Water for now,” Jensen decided while Chad ordered a beer. Once he drank the water, Jensen actually felt himself beginning to feel better, cooling off, and by the time he had eaten half of his lunch, Chad remarked on the fact that his color was almost normal and he wasn’t sweaty anymore.

“Now, what’s this about Jared coming to you about for comfort, Chad?” Jensen asked as he reached for the glass of water.

“You come in here looking as though you’re about to die, and you’re worried about what Jared confided in me?”

“I’ll live,” Jensen guaranteed the blonde. “You shouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t want to discuss it, and besides, if it were Kenzie, wouldn’t you want to know?”

“Look all I’m saying is that Jared had a hard time as well. You were always upset because you couldn’t have a baby, and he was upset because he couldn’t give you one. I told him repeatedly to talk to you, but he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to upset you further. It was as though you two could talk about anything, as long as it wasn’t baby related.” Chad explained.

“I never blamed him,” Jensen said.

“I know, you blamed yourself, and he blamed himself, but it was no one’s fault,” Chad agreed. “When that bitch took the baby he was through; he just couldn’t do it anymore, and didn’t want you to either, but he didn’t know how to convince you to stop.”

Jensen had really thought that the day the judge ruled against them in favor of the surrogate mother and her husband was the darkest day of his life. Neither he nor Jared had entertained the thought that the judge would rule against them, because it was their baby. They had prepared a room for her, bought new clothes and toys, and had even picked out a school for her. The DNA proved that Jensen and Jared were the biological parents that the surrogate had only gestated the baby for them, but somewhere between the implanting of the embryos and the birth, she had changed her mind about giving up the baby and the court case had dragged on for four years.

Four years that she and her spouse had bonded with their child and the judge ruled that it would be unfair to tear the child, Amanda, away from the only home she’s ever known. He’d also ruled that it would be confusing for her to have three fathers, so they were stripped of all rights and left with nothing but a photo.

That was the point when he actually realized that there would be no baby for them. The tests and the books were such a habit that he had done it by rote, not from the actual desire to get pregnant anymore. It had taken Jared’s ultimatum for him to stop trying.

“You can always borrow mine,” Chad volunteered. “It’ll give me and Kenzie time to practice making another, ‘cause honestly, the little bastards are nothing but cock-blockers.”

“You’re an ass, Chad. How did you ever convince a woman to let you touch her, let alone have your babies?” Jensen laughed, knowing that he would borrow those little girls anytime.



The beauty of being a director was that if your films made money, you could choose who you wanted to work with, and Jensen’s last six films had been top moneymakers. There were two scenes in the movie that he’d wanted Chris to write and record songs for. What he hadn’t counted on was being talked into writing them along with his friend.

They had been working for hours, and actually ended up writing four songs instead of the two they had set out to write. With each song that they completed, Jensen loaded up a new scene and they were both inspired to write more. Jensen had intended to get other artists on the soundtrack, but with the quality of the songs that they were writing, it would be just Chris. And who knows? He might be convinced to lend his voice to a song or two.

The clock on the wall told Jensen that it was almost nine. They had started this session at one, and Jensen realized that was probably why he was so hungry. The two of them had been at it for hours with nothing but water and some fruit.

“Why don’t you order us something to eat while I try to pull this lyric out of my head?” Jensen asked Chris.

Jensen turned back to his guitar and strummed a couple of chords, before the lyrics he had been wracking his brain for magically appeared in his head and he jotted them down. Satisfied with what he’d written, Jensen began to play again when, suddenly, there was a roaring in his ears, he broke out into a sweat, and he became so hot that he felt like stripping.

As he tried to continue to play his guitar, his fingers felt heavy and clumsy. He was just strumming them against the chords, making a noise so awful that Chris ran back into the room. He couldn’t focus on Chris, because he’d become lightheaded and he slumped back in his chair as he passed out.

His head hurt and his mouth was dry. When he moved, he was dizzy as hell. He knew was he on the sofa, but he didn’t remember how he got there. The last thing he remembered was writing with Chris.

“…looks like he’s coming to, Jared,” he heard Chris say.

“Fuck,” he thought. Now Jared was going to be worried because he’d caught some bug.

“Phone, Jensen,” Chris said as he handed the man on the sofa his cell. “Don’t be giving me that look. I’m not the one who passed out so talk to your man and get it over with.”

“Jared, hi,” Jensen greeted tentatively as he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.

“What’s going on, Jen?” Jared asked, his tone allowing no argument.

“Nothing’s wrong, Jared,” Jensen slurred, as he shot a dirty look at Chris. “I just got a little lightheaded from not eating all day, s’all.”

“I suppose that’s what was wrong while you were eating lunch with Chad too?” Jared demanded.

“I… don’t know Jared. There were several people on the set who came down with some bug. That’s what I’m placing my money on. Jared, I’m fine, I promise,” Jensen assured him.

“You’re all I have, Jensen. I need to know that you’re okay if…when I’m gone.”

As he talked to Jared, Chris answered the ringing doorbell, and came back with several bags holding their food.

“Our food just arrived, so I’m sure that Chris will channel his inner Eliot Spencer and make sure that I eat.”

“I’ll worry less if you eat and go see the doctor.”

“Jay, I don’t think…”

“The doctor, Jen,” Jared interrupted.

“Okay, I’ll go, but you do realize that it’s too late tonight for me to get an appointment, right? It’ll have to be tomorrow,” Jensen said.

“Tomorrow then,” Jared grudgingly agreed.

Once he ended the call with Jared, Jensen looked at Chris, “Why did you call him Chris? It’s not like he could do anything when he’s in another fucking country.”

“Well excuse me, but I didn’t know what was wrong when you were doing your damsel-in-distress act.” Chris shrugged his shoulders. “So sue me for caring.”

Jensen got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen to grab some plates and utensils so they could eat. While Chris opened the containers of food, Jensen turned on the television, just to have some background noise.

Instantly, Jared’s voice filled the room and Jensen looked up immediately. It was one of those entertainment shows. Jared was at some party in London where he was currently filming his latest movie. Jensen was about to turn away, but the person standing next to Jared caught his eye. It was the young actor —Jensen couldn’t even remember his name— who was co-starring with Jared in his latest movie, and had co-starred with him in his last movie as well.

“Do you… Never mind.” Jensen shook his head as though that would dismiss the thought that had suddenly entered his mind.

“Spit it out Jensen, and get it over with,” Chris told him. “If you don’t, you’re just gonna let it fester until you believe it’s true.”

“Do you think that Jared is cheating on me?” he mumbled around the food he’d stuffed into him mouth.

“Why would you think something stupid like that?” Chris asked, not bothering to hide how shocked he was at the question.

“Jared has been gone for nine months Chris, nine,” he explained. “While he was filming in Italy, he worked with some new actor, and was so impressed that he got him a part in this new movie. Should I be worried?”

“This isn’t the first time you two have been apart because of filming, Jensen,” Chris reminded him.

“No, but it’s the first time we’ve been apart this long.” Jensen explained “It’s funny. When he was here I kept thinking it was like we were having kind of a second honeymoon. But what if he was saying goodbye?”

“Stop thinking shit like that,” Chris warned. “He’ll be home in a couple of weeks and things will be back to normal.”

Growing concerned, Jensen watched as Jared bent down so the much younger actor could whisper something into his ear. He thought about what Chris had just told him, and hoped that his friend’s words were true. He was staring at the screen when the channel was suddenly changed.

“You’re just borrowing trouble with those thoughts, Jensen. Jared loves you, remember that,” Chris suggested.

“He’s a Carrier,” Jensen softly told him, “Jared told me he was shortly after they first met. I can’t even remember the boy’s name.”

“Jensen…” Chris warned.

“Okay, what’s new with you and Steve? It’s been a while since we’ve all been together.” Jensen asked in an attempt to change the subject.

“Well, there is something I’ve wanted to tell you. It’s kind of hard, but I really can’t put if off for much longer,” Chris began.

“You’re not sick are you?” Jensen’s concern for his friend overtook his belief that Jared was having an affair.”

“No, no nothing like that, it’s just… well you know Steve and I had started looking into adoption a few years back, right? It was during the Amanda ordeal.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Jensen said, trying to keep the sadness from creeping into his voice.

“Well, our attorney called us a couple of months ago. There are these three kids, siblings, two boys and a girl. The parents are in jail, and because they’re bi-racial, the mom’s family doesn’t want them. Social services are trying to keep them together, but no one wants all three and we do.” Chris admitted.

Jensen sat back and looked at his friend. He never thought about how his desire to have a family had affected their friends and the choices they made. This should be the happiest time in Steve and Chris’s lives and they were worried about his feelings. He felt like a selfish idiot.

“Tell me about your family, Chris.” Jensen requested, and just listened as Chris smiled and effused about the three kids that had stolen his heart.

Chris decided to stay, because somewhere along the way, they got beer to celebrate the new additions to their growing circle of family and he was in no shape to drive home. Jensen knew that Chris also wanted to make sure that Jensen was okay. Chris spent the rest of the evening trying to convince Jensen that he and Jared should try adoption. Jensen just shook his head no. He had resigned himself to the fact that they weren’t destined to have kids, because it seemed that every time they’d tried it ended in disaster. It was okay though, because it looked as though there were going to be three more little ones he could spoil.

Later that night as Jensen settled into his bed, he looked over at the empty spot beside him and missed Jared. Thomas Dekker, Jensen thought, that was the Carrier’s name. He didn’t think he would forget that name again.

The next morning Jensen called the doctor’s office and found that they’d had a cancelation so they could see him that afternoon. After having blood drawn and peeing in a cup, he listed all of his symptoms to the doctor who explained that he might be going through a Carrier’s version of menopause.

“Wow, so not the flu or some other bug then?” Jensen asked as he tried to hide his emotions. The choice of potentially trying again was being taken out of his hands once and for all. There would be no babies for him.

“I’m not one-hundred percent sure, but we sent the blood work to be analyzed. Some of the easier tests we can do here and the nurse will bring the results in a few minutes. In the meantime, look at these pamphlets. They’ll explain what we can do to make this transition easier for you.”

The nurse walked in and gave the doctor a sheet of paper that he assumed were the results.

“Hmm,” the doctor said, turning again to his wall of pamphlets before bringing his attention back to Jensen and smiling, “Looks like you’re going to need these instead.” He handed Jensen the new pamphlet.

Jensen looked at the pamphlet and read, So you’re Expecting.

Oh, god he was pregnant.

 

cut>

 

Standing in line at the pharmacy felt like déjà vu. This wasn’t unfamiliar to him. Jensen knew the drill, he knew the diet, that coffee and alcohol were out and that he needed to take his prenatal vitamins, and oh yeah, he had to tell Jared. The thought scared the hell out of him.

There was a Barnes & Noble next to the pharmacy, so Jensen ducked in to see if he could find a book to help navigate him through this pregnancy. He knew about a regular pregnancy, but with his age and history, he needed to know what the risks were for him. This was his last chance, he knew it, and he would do whatever it took, including praying until his knees were bloody, if it meant in six months’ time that he gave birth to a healthy child.

While he was there, he found a book about adoptions for Steve and Chris. Unlike him with his need to research, they would probably just wing it. Upon seeing the books that he’d chosen, the clerk advised him that there were also books for kids of adoption, so he purchased those as well. When he finally made it to the register, he was looking at the journals and decided that keeping one would be a good thing to do this time. He smiled to himself as he chose one that was similar to the one John Winchester had.

When Jensen arrived home, he realized that he was smiling in a way he hadn’t in a long time because he’d managed to get pregnant. Even though he was sick and could barely hold his head up, he felt so goddamned wonderful. He’d heard others say it, and at one time he’d said it, but this time he meant it. It didn’t matter what the sex was, as long as this baby was healthy.

He put the books down on the coffee table and ran upstairs to the bathroom where he could look at himself in the mirror. He’d barely entered the room before he rid himself of his shirt and began inspecting his body. How could he not know he was pregnant? It wasn’t as though he’d never experienced it before. But then again, he hadn’t had the usual symptoms and the only time he’d actually thrown up was when he’d eaten that salad the other day. He knew he was about ten pounds heavier than the last time he was pregnant, but he was almost three months pregnant and not even showing. The next appointment he had, he would get a sonogram and Jared would be there with him to see their miracle for the first time.

Walking from his bedroom, Jensen traipsed down the hall to the room that they’d set aside for the nursery. It was mocking him now. All of those years that he’d had it set up for a baby to use, he’d always lose it at the fourth month. The fourth month to the day and it always started the same; there was cramping and then heavy bleeding followed by an empty womb and months of depression, leaving him to wonder what he’d done wrong this time.

There would be no nursery this time; well, not until at least the eighth month. If he made it that far. He would wait, because it would kill him if he had to dismantle a nursery again. The book would be the only thing he would allow himself to purchase until then.

Jensen was not sure how long he stood there, looking into the room and thinking about what could be, when his phone rang. A quick glance at the caller id told him that it was Jared. It would be so easy to blurt out the news, but he wanted to see the look in Jared’s eyes when he told him that, for some reason, they were being granted on more chance.

“Hey babe,” Jensen greeted with a smile.

“Well hello to you,” Jared chuckled. “Someone’s in a good mood.”

“Yeah, don’t tell anyone, but my lover is coming home in eight days, twelve hours and twenty-five minutes.”

“Damn, he must be good if he’s got you counting down time.”

“You have no idea, man, you have no idea. God, I miss you.”

“Same here, Jen,” Jared agreed and then went on to the reason for the call, “So, what did the doctor say?”

“I’m good, Jared, I promise, I’ll be over it in no time.” He said, glossing over the truth. He would be over it, just in six months. In the scheme of things, that wasn’t long.

“That’s great! You have no idea how worried I was Jen. You’re always telling me I need to watch what I eat and to take care of myself, but you need to do the same,” Jared softly admonished.

They talked for another hour and would have talked longer if someone in the background hadn’t reminded Jared about their plans for a late dinner.

“Sure Tom, I’ll be there in a minute,” Jared told the person, and Jensen was sure that it was Thomas Dekker.

“I’ll let you go Jared. I don’t want to hold up your co-star. I’m sure he’ll need to be tucked into bed soon,” Jensen snarked and hung up before Jared could respond.

After he hung up the phone, Jensen hoped that he wasn’t sending Jared to tuck Thomas in his bed.

As soon as the call with Jared ended, Danneel called him. Their friends had seemingly decided that Jensen couldn’t spend an evening on his own. Apparently it was Danneel’s turn, because she invited him to dinner. For a moment, he forgot about Thomas Dekker, because he was so excited. He wanted to tell someone about the baby, and came close to telling her, but he felt that it wouldn’t be right if he told someone else before he told Jared.

That night when he went to bed, he pulled out the journal he’d nabbed from the coffee table on his way upstairs and began to write:

Hello Little One,

Let me introduce myself. I’m your daddy and I just found out about you today. You’re the miracle that I thought that I didn’t believe in anymore, but a visit to the doctor has given me new hope and made me believe again.

From the day I met your Papa, I’ve wanted you, and God waited until now to give you to us. I can’t wait to meet you and until you’re here I’ll wonder about what you’ll be like, and who you’ll look like. Will you be tall like me or a gigantor like your Papa? Will you be quiet and shy or bubbly and extroverted. I can’t wait to find out.

Love, Daddy

With his hand on his stomach and a smile on his face, Jensen drifted off to sleep.

***

The next day was long and tedious. Jensen both loved and hated editing and putting together what he’d spent months filming to tell the story he’d envisioned when he first read the script. Today was one of those days that he hated, because one of the key scenes was going to have to be reshot. He hoped he could get his actors back when he needed them, and on top of it all, he was tired.

The drive home was horrible, and halfway there he’d needed to go to the bathroom. He’d gotten stuck in traffic for so long that he’d seriously thought about getting out of his car and taking a piss right there. The only thing that kept him in his car was the thought of someone with a cell phone recording it and selling it to TMZ. When he finally pulled into his drive, he was so tired that he would have seriously considered sleeping in his car, had it not been for the uncomfortable pressure of his bladder.

Grudgingly, he made his way inside and noticed lights that he knew he hadn’t left on. Jared always laughed at him, because he always left the same lights on so he didn’t come home to a dark house.

“Jared?” He hesitantly called out.

“Yeah Jen, in here,” Jared answered back.

“Jay,” he yelled excitedly as he ran towards his husband’s voice, his tiredness and bladder forgotten. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home early? I’d have picked you up from the airport.”

“If I’d done that, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, and I wouldn’t have seen these, would I, Jensen?” Jared asked as he held up the books Jensen had purchased earlier in the week. “What the hell Jensen? I thought that we were through with this, and as soon as I leave, you start all over again?”

“No, Jared, it’s not what you think…” Jensen tried to explain.

“Jared, I’m on my way out,” a voice said from the entryway.

Jared gave Jensen a look filled with pure unadulterated anger and said, “Hold on Tom. There’s been a change of plans, and I will be able to go with you.” Before Jensen could understand what had happened, Jared was gone. With Thomas Dekker.

Jensen called Jared almost all night only to have his calls ignored. Eventually Jensen swallowed his pride and called Chad, only to be told that the blonde hadn’t seen him. He finally gave up around four a.m. and went to sleep. So much for this being a stress-free pregnancy.

The next day, he snapped at anyone that even breathed wrong, until he finally realized that he wasn’t getting anything accomplished, except making people hate him. He gave up and went home hoping Jared had finally came back.

When he walked into the house, he was surprised to find not only Jared, but all of their friends as well. It surprised him because there were no cars outside to indicate that they were there. As he came further into the room, he recognized everyone except the woman sitting in a chair at the far end of the room. But she seemed to know him, because she called his name.

“Jensen,” she greeted, “I’m Doctor Anna Moore, and this is an intervention.”

“Yes…what?” he asked as he turned and looked at Jared. “An intervention for what?” he asked.

Holding up the books again, Jared said, “Your inability to give up trying to have a baby. Jensen you’re forty-five years old. Chances are they you can’t get pregnant anymore, so you’ve got to stop, please.”

By the time Jared had finished his speech, he’d walked towards Jensen with his free hand was reaching out to touch him. Jensen stepped back out of his reach, suddenly finding his husband’s touch repulsive. Jared hadn’t given him a chance to explain the books yesterday, and now this. When he’d walked into the house the day before, he’d wanted nothing more than Jared’s touch and to bask in their joy as he made his announcement. But standing here amongst all of his friends, it almost made him believe that baby was a figment of his delusional mind. He touched the slight swell of his stomach to remind himself that the baby was real.

“Tell him what the consequences are if he doesn’t stop. Jared, you can’t sugar coat this,” The doctor encouraged. “Not if you want this negative behavior to stop.”

As Jared began to speak, Jensen yelled, “Shut up, Jared, don’t do this, please.”

“Jensen I’m sorry, but man…”

“That means you too, Chris,” Jensen turned and growled at his friend.

He stepped towards Jared and grabbed to books from his hands, separating the books on adoption and handed them to Chris. “I bought these for you and Steve, because like the dumbasses you are, you would rather fumble through the entire process rather than ask questions.”

Turning back to Jared, he blinked back the tears and explained, “And this one on high risk pregnancies? I bought it for me after the doctor told me I was pregnant. Congratulations Papa,” he spat at Jared before turning and walking out of the room to the sound of gasps from his friends and Jared calling his name.

After he entered the bedroom, Jensen closed the door behind him. He went to use the bathroom and then lay down on the bed as he tried to digest what had just happened. When he heard the soft knock on the door a few minutes later, he knew it was Jared. Suddenly, the tiredness he’d felt when he came home invaded his bones once more, sapping him of the strength to argue.

“Come in Jared.”

Jensen didn’t look up, but he knew Jared was in the room when he heard the quiet snick of the door as it closed behind him. He wasn’t sure if Jared was waiting for him to speak, but he was going to let Jared take the plunge first.

“I’m so fucking sorry Jensen,” Jared apologized.

“For what Jay? I mean you gotta be a little more specific than that?” he asked, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in his voice. “Are you sorry for the baby or for convincing all of our friends that I’m bat-shit crazy enough to need an intervention.”

“I never thought you were crazy Jen, just obsessed. When I left, I thought you were okay, that you’d given up on the idea of a baby, and when I saw those books, well… I kinda lost it.”

“Yeah, so you left me all alone, wouldn’t answer my calls while you were off with another man who could give you a baby.” Jensen accused.

“Another man… Tom? Jeez, Jensen, surely you don’t think that I slept with him?” Jared questioned as he walked to the bed. “Oh God, you do. Jensen, in twenty years, there has never ever been another man, and as mad as I’ve been about this baby business, it never occurred to me to look elsewhere.”

“You’ve been gone for nine months Jared. Nine! And I know that it was to get away from me. Nine months that I spent alone while you spent them with Tom, taking him out to dinner and going to movie openings, and all I got was the occasional phone call.”

Kneeling beside the bed, Jared reached and turned Jensen’s face towards him, looked him in the eyes and repeated, “Never, Jensen, never.”

Looking in Jared’s eyes, Jensen saw the truth there and he felt a weight lifted. A part of him knew that Jared wouldn’t cheat, but distance, time, and pictures in magazines had fucked with his mind.

“I’m sorry for the accusation, but I was so scared that you would turn to someone else.”

“Let’s just put this behind us Jen. We have more important things to concentrate on. Like the fact that we’re pregnant hmm?” Jared stated more than asked, but it was the smile on his face that chased away all of the shadows and the hurt from moments before. Those damned dimples got him every time.

Jensen turned on his side, carded his fingers through Jared’s hair and whispered, “Please tell me you’re happy about the baby.”

“Just because I gave up on the idea, never meant that I didn’t want a child with you. I just wanted you to stop obsessing over it, stop letting it consume you. You did and looked what happened.”

They just lay there in silence, smiling at each other and basking in the blessing that this child was, until someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” they said in unison never taking their eyes off each other.

“You guys okay?” Chris probed as he stuck his head inside of the door. “Everyone is worried ‘bout you Jensen.”

Jared stood up and reached for Jensen’s hand. “Come on babe. They are not gonna leave until you show your pretty face.”

“Fuck you, Jared,” Jensen mock-threatened as he allowed Jared to pull him up from the bed.

“Later,” he whispered, as they followed Chris from the room.

Once downstairs, Jensen was surprised that everyone except for the doctor was still there, waiting for him, to both apologize and to make sure that he understood that they did this because they cared.

“Congratulations sweetie,” Danneel broke the ice, “I’m so happy for you two.”

That was the way the rest of the evening went, everyone offering their congratulations, but he knew that some of them were wondering if this pregnancy would end in heartbreak the same way the other five had.

“So Jensen,” Chad started, “what’s it like to be fifty and pregnant?”

“You’re such an ass Chad,” Jensen told him, “I am forty-five not fifty, and besides you’re only four years younger than me.”

“Maybe, but you’re still closer to fifty than I am, grandpa.”

“Leave my baby-daddy alone,” Jared defended Jensen, causing everyone else in the room to groan.



Sleep had been a long time coming last night. It was the night before he was officially sixteen weeks. Jensen had never kept a baby past this stage. He felt as though maybe if he stayed awake this time, kept guard, he could prevent this baby from rejecting him as well. Jared said that he was staying awake to keep Jensen company but he knew that the younger man was worried as well. His mother had flown in from Texas two days ago to be with him, just in case.

The next morning when the sun rose in the east, there were no cramps, no bleeding and no tears of recrimination. There were tears, but they were joyous tears being shed by both men and Donna Ackles. This baby had made it past this critical point and was still safe and sound in Jensen’s body where it belonged.

Because of Jensen’s past miscarriages and his age, this pregnancy was considered risky and he had to see the doctor once a week to be monitored on how the pregnancy was progressing. Jared, much to his agent’s dismay, had decided not to take on anymore projects that would take him away from Jensen.

That day, he was going to have an amniocentesis to check for birth defects such as Downs Syndrome and spina bifida. Jared was going to meet him at the doctor’s office, so Jensen was trying to relax by having lunch with his mom, Chris and Danneel.

Chris pretended he was mad that Jensen had invited him to a girl’s day out, but once he was there, he couldn’t stop talking about the siblings that he and Steve were in the process of adopting.

“Jensen, honey, are you going to learn the sex today?” his mom asked.

“Yes, we decided that would be best, and we’re doing an amniocentesis as well,” he grimaced.

Having gone through this process with her oldest child she asked, “I know how much you love Levi, but it’s also different when it’s your child. Have you thought about options, about what you’d do if the baby had Down’s?”

“Just put away the dreams we had for him and find some new ones,” he said as he rubbed his stomach and smiled.

He glanced up at his mother and found her beaming as though someone had told her she had won a million dollars. Jensen didn’t realize that having a son who could give her an answer like that was just as good. Maybe better.

“It’s a boy,” the doctor told them as he pointed to a fetus on the screen of the 3-D ultrasound. “Or rather baby A is, but if you look here—” he pointed at another fetus, “—baby B is kind of shy so we don’t know the sex yet.” Jensen looked at the picture the doctor left on the screen and took solace in knowing that no matter what pain he had to go through he was going to have not one, but two babies. He held on to Jared’s hand as the doctor withdrew the fluid. They would get the results during his next visit.

As the three of them entered the house that afternoon, happily staring at the picture from the ultrasound. Jensen was on his way upstairs to take a nap before they went to dinner when Jared called for him to stop.

He had an urgent message from Bill Walker, their attorney, telling them that Sarah Pond, the surrogate they’d used before, was giving up her parental rights. Amanda would become legally theirs as soon as they signed the papers.

 

>

She was tall for her age, six years old and she was almost a head taller than most kids her age. Amused, Donna reminded them that her parents weren’t exactly short, and besides, girls matured faster than boys. Jensen had been determined that he was not going to decorate that bedroom until he was eight months pregnant, but when he’d made that declaration he had no idea that he was going to have to decorate it for a little girl. Their little girl, who in reality was so much prettier than any picture.

When they met with Bill Walker the day after the doctor’s visit, he explained it all to them; Sarah had finally been able to get pregnant and was having a difficult pregnancy. Both she and her husband were suddenly out of work and were moving back east to his family, who had never been keen on the Ponds keeping Amanda in the first place. Suddenly her husband did not want another man’s child in the house, so she’d had to choose.

The Ponds had planned to just turn her over to Jensen and Jared with a brief explanation to her about how they were her real daddies, but Jensen and Jared wouldn’t let them just dump her like that. Both men thought that it would be easier to get her used to spending time with them, before having her move in full time. With all the money and time the Ponds had spent to take her away from them, they could spend three days doing what they should have in the beginning.

Sarah did take time to tell them about her allergies (courtesy of Jensen), what her favorite books were, her favorite movies and the fact that she was going to need some new clothes soon because she’d just recently had a growth spurt and they hadn’t the money to go shopping. Along with that information, she handed over Amanda’s birth certificate (it listed Jared and Jensen Padalecki as her birth parents), all the other medical information that they would need to get her registered for school and, more importantly, pictures of her growing up. She was careful to give them pictures of the little girl that she and her husband weren’t in. At the end of the three days, Amanda was theirs and they had the child and the paperwork to prove it.

The three of them had gotten to know each other as much as they could in three days, and on their first official day as a family, Jared and Jensen took Amanda to the zoo and out to eat. Because it was spring, the zoo was show casing the babies and Jared thought that it would be a good way to ease into telling her about her new baby brother or sister.

“How did you like seeing the babies Amanda?” Jensen asked, as he helped her open her juice box.

“I liked them… can we come back and see them again?” she shyly asked.

“Yes we can,” Jared quickly agreed.

Jensen thought that the afternoon went well. He didn’t want to spring the news of the babies to her on their first outing as a family, but he wanted to do it before he really started showing. Hopefully, by the time that they were born, Amanda would be comfortable with them and anticipating her role as the babies’ big sister.

Her first night with them, they walked back and forth watching her sleep as though if they didn’t, this would all have been a dream and she’d be gone in the morning. Well, they walked until Donna, who was sharing the room with Amanda, threatened Jared with bodily harm for keeping her awake.

“Why aren’t you threatening Jensen as well? He’s keeping you up too,” Jared whined like an overgrown five year old.

“You have to take all of the punishment because he’s pregnant,” Donna explained.

Jared just grinned at her reasoning and the pair went back to bed, but sleep was still a long time coming.

“You know we’re going to need a new house, right?” Jensen told Jared as they lay there in the dark.

“Whatever you want baby. I’ll call a realtor tomorrow,” Jared agreed as he pulled Jensen closer to him and rested his large hands on Jensen’s still mostly flat stomach.



 

They invited their friends over to meet her and introduce her to kids her age so she could make new friends to help make up for the ones she’d had to leave behind. They had made it clear that they needed a week before everyone could come barging in, but Chad and Kenzie bought their daughters by the day they bought her home, so that she’d have someone close to her age to help her get used to her new family.

“She’s beautiful Jensen,” Kenzie gushed.

“She is,” Jensen sighed, so damned happy to have her there, but worried about how she was going to take to loss of the only parents she’d known.

“So old men don’t have babies huh?” Chad teased, “They have six year olds so their children won’t be the kids with grandparents as parents.”

“You’re an ass, Chad,” Jensen replied.

“Yet you still love me,” he chided.

“Unfortunately, that honor is mine,” Kenzie stated, before she walked over to play with the girls.

As Kenzie left, Jared joined the two men and was accompanied by Chris and Steve, who brought playmates as well.

“Jared introduced himself at the door, but Jensen, I’d like to introduce you to Malik, Jaden, and Sasha,” Chris beamed.

Kneeling down Jensen reached out his hands to the two little boys, smiled and greeted with a soft, “Hello guys, it’s great to finally meet you.”

Steve was holding Sasha, but the boys said a quick hi before they grabbed Chris’ pants legs and shyly hid their faces.

“Hey, guys, the cool kids are over there playing, why don’t you go and make new friends instead of hanging out with us old guys,” Jensen encouraged, and stood back as the boys ran to play.

“Me pay too,” Sasha demanded as she pulled on Steve’s hair, her way of asking to join the other kids. Her feet had barely touched the ground before her chubby little legs carried her towards the other kids.

“Should have known this lot wouldn’t have waited,” Jared said as he saw Misha and Vicky make their way to the back yard followed by their youngest, who needed no invitation to run and join the other kids.

“So, no food huh?” Misha asked, glancing around the yard.

Jensen just stared at Misha, because he knew that Misha knew that they weren’t supposed to be here. This was supposed to be a day of the Padaleckis adjusting to each other, but somehow making that announcement was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. It seemed that everyone they knew heard ‘keep away’ as an invitation to bulldoze their way in and welcome Amanda home.

“That’s a good idea, Misha, get the grill going,” Chad directed as he headed off a tirade from Jensen, “Jared and I are going to get something to put on it.”

“It’s my house, Chad, I can start the fucking grill,” Jensen argued, glaring at the two men as they began to walk away.

“You’re old and pregnant. Misha’s just old, so let him do it.” Chad informed him as he walked out of striking distance, because he knew Jensen would have hit him.

“Vicky, can you please go with them, or all we’ll have is steaks and beer.” Jensen begged the laughing woman.

Before Jared, Chad and Vickie had even left, Jensen joined the kids as they played, and he was so dammed happy because this time one of the kids was his. Sometimes they had to get his attention ,because he stared at her, marveling at the fact that Amanda was so much like Jared. Not so much in looks, but in her outgoing personality, and as he bent down so that she could wrap her arms around him, he gathered that she apparently was a hugger as well.

When the trio came back with the food, the coals were ready and Jensen had a smile so big that he felt stupid. He had always considered his friends his extended family, but now he and Jared had a real family. Amanda was with them and they had a pair growing under his heart as well.



Jensen was strong, he knew he was, but when his doctor’s appointment for the results of his amniocentesis arrived, there was no way he was going to face it alone. In his heart, he wanted to believe that since he made it through the fourth month, everything was okay, the baby was healthy, but, in the event that it wasn’t, he wanted Jared there with him.

Jensen was nervous as he walked into the examination room and he was so glad that he had the activity of undressing and putting on that hated paper gown to eat away at the time spent waiting for the doctor. Once he’d finished and was sitting on the end of the table, he looked over to where Jared was sitting in the chair next to the table, and for the first time, noticed that Jared couldn’t seem to keep his leg still, a sure sign that the younger man was nervous as well.

“Jay, you’re nervous?” Jensen asked the surprise evident in his voice.

“Why wouldn’t I be Jen?” Jared asked, “This is your health and our child’s health, and until the baby is born, I will be nervous.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. You’ve never been nervous or scared before,” Jensen explained.

“Of course I have Jense,” Jared countered as though that explained everything.

“What—” Jensen started, then counted to ten in his head to curb his mounting anger before he continued, “What do you mean ‘of course you have’, I’ve never seen you exhibit either before.”

“I didn’t express it before Jen, that’s all, but trust me I felt the same worry, fear, hurt and disappointment that you did.”

Jensen heard the ‘I just kept it to myself’ that Jared left unsaid and it made him furious. Now the conversation he’d had with Chad months earlier made sense. Jared went to Chad with his fears instead of coming to Jensen so that they could work through the pain together.

Was this why everyone thought he was so fucking fragile? Was it because Jared was so stoic around Jensen, but fell apart when he was around their friends?

“Jensen, Jared,” the doctor greeted as he entered the examination room, “how are we today?”

“We’ll be much better once you give us the results from the tests,” Jensen drily replied.

“Well then, let’s look, shall we? Well, as you know I was concerned about spinal bifida and Down’s syndrome, as well as several other birth defects, but I’m happy to report that all of the tests came back negative,” he announced with a smile.

Reaching behind him, the doctor came back with his blood pressure cuff and wrapped it around Jensen’s bicep and there was a look of displeasure on his face when he read the LED screen.

“Jensen, you have told me repeatedly how much you want these babies, but a reading of 185/95 will put both you and the babies in danger. Please know that I am not above putting you on complete bed rest,” he warned.

“Yeah, and I would not be above forcing you to stay there,” Jared threatened.

“I was just worried about the tests,” Jensen explained. “I’ll bet if you took Jared’s his would be high as well.”

“Probably,” the doctor agreed, “but Jared’s not pregnant. Just keep the stress level low, follow your diet, and you should be fine. Just because you’ve made it this far, doesn’t necessarily mean smooth sailing Jensen, so control the things that you can.”

Jensen vowed that he would follow the doctor’s orders, but that didn’t stop him from being angry with Jared. He was going to let him know as soon as they got home because he didn’t want to have this argument in the car. Amanda had gone shopping with Donna, Danneel, and Danneel’s eight-year-old mini-me daughter, Addison, because they didn’t trust the two men to get all of the things a little girl needed.

Once they arrived home, Jensen just couldn’t hold in his anger any longer. “Jared, why did you let me think that you were okay all these years?”

“What are you talking about Jensen?” Jared asked.

“I thought that I understood, and that I’d gotten past it, but you need to explain Jared. Explain why you let me believe that you weren’t as affected by all of this baby business as you obviously were!” Jensen began. “You talked to Chad, and god knows who else, about what you were feeling, but you cheated me of the ability to share that pain with you, for us to heal together, and I want to know why.”

“Jensen, I thought that we had covered this. Why are you bringing this up again?” Jared sighed.

“Because I thought that you didn’t care as much! Nothing ever seemed to bother you, and now I find out differently.” Jensen was yelling now. “If I had known what I was doing to you, I’m not sure I would have kept trying, but you confided in everyone but me, your husband.”

“You say that Jensen, but would you really have stopped?” Jared asked, now shouting back at Jensen, “Would you have given up on your almighty quest to procreate?”

“I guess we’ll never know now, will we because…” Jensen cut off his sentence as he looked away from Jared and saw a pair of terrified little green eyes staring at him in shock before Amanda ran upstairs to her bedroom.

“You two are idiots,” Danneel hissed at them. “Go after her,” she told Jensen as he stood there reeling in shock over the fact that the little girl was there when they were yelling at each other.

As Jensen made his way upstairs, he heard Danneel tell Jared, “You two need to remember that she’s here now.”

Jared mumbled something in reply, but Jensen didn’t hear him because he was too busy listening to his own heart break at the sight of his little girl crying her eyes out. He silently walked to her bed, sat down beside her, and just rubbed her shaking back.

“Amanda,” he began, “Why are you crying baby girl?”

She answered with a loud sob.

Following his instincts, Jensen reached down and picked her up, sat her in his lap and let her cry. While she cried, he rocked her small body and began to hum in an attempt to soothe her.

“Mandie,” he tried, unaware that he had shortened her name. “Did the arguing scare you?” Jensen asked the little girl.

“Yes,” she whispered into his neck.

“I’m so sorry that you had to hear that,” Jensen apologized. “Sometimes grown-ups don’t agree with each other and instead of talking to each other as they should, they try to see who can yell the loudest instead.”

“Shouldn’t do that,” she admonished still speaking into his neck. “It scares little girls.”

Chuckling at her answer, Jensen explained to her that he thought that she was still shopping with his mom and Danneel, but from now on, they would try not to argue, but if they did, then they would make sure that they were alone.

As he continued to rock the little girl, he noticed that Jared was standing in the doorway looking at them. He walked over to the bed, rubbed her hair and told her, “I’m sorry as well, munchkin. Sometimes adults behave like little kids.”

It must have been a combination of the rocking and the crying, because while they were still apologizing to her, Amanda’s little body went still as she fell asleep. They tucked her in and made their way downstairs to face Donna and Danneel.

“What were you thinking?” Donna asked, as they entered the kitchen where the women were discussing the day’s events.

“We didn’t know that you guys were back,” Jared defended Jensen. “There is no way we would have had that argument knowing that she was around.”

Jensen sent his husband a smile for coming to his defense, but for the past twenty years they had been able to say or do whatever they wanted without worrying about a child hearing them. It would take them more than the few days that they’d had Amanda to get used to censuring what they said or did. Had she been with them from day one, then they would have been used to having her around, but the three of them were still adjusting to each other.

“Mom, give us some credit here,” Jensen said.

“I know Jensen. I just want her to be comfortable here.”

That’s all they wanted as well. Hell, they didn’t even know what she was going to call them, because she still thought of the Ponds as her parents. It would be wonderful to hear her call them daddy or papa.

“Let’s look at the clothes that she picked out today,” Danneel suggested, changing the subject. She and Donna reached for the sea of bags that they had brought in from the car while Jared and Jensen were upstairs with Amanda.

“I would rather wait until she was awake so that she can show us,” Jensen said, and Jared agreed by nodding his head.

“Okay,” Danneel assented. “But when you’re ready to decorate your nursery, call me, because I know this great little place.”

When she woke up an hour later, Amanda shyly showed her fathers the new clothes she had purchased. At first, she was hesitant, but by the time that she reached for the fourth bag, she couldn’t hide her excitement and rewarded them with a smile that made Jensen want to go and buy out every store in Los Angeles, just so he could get another one.



The next day started out badly for Jensen, because for some reason, morning sickness decided to make an appearance. Jared told him to go back to sleep, and he would take care of Amanda, but as much as he wanted to crawl back into the bed, he couldn’t. They were registering her for school and there was no way he was going to miss that.

When they reached the school, Jensen was still a little green, although the sickness had subsided, but he forced himself to carry on. There was another little girl there. Apparently she was being registered as well, and she made her way over to Amanda to introduce herself.

“Hi, I’m Carrie. What’s your name?”

“Amanda,” their girl answered.

“Since we’re both new here, we can be friends and that way we won’t be alone on our first day,” Carrie decided with childish logic, and Amanda agreed as though Carrie’s reasoning made perfect sense to her.

Once Jensen, Jared, and Carrie’s parents had completed the paperwork, they all sat and watched the girls become acquainted with each other while they waited for the principal and the teacher to show them to their assigned classrooms.

“Are those your dad’s?” Carrie asked Amanda.

Amanda quickly glanced over at her biological parents, and Jensen became saddened at the confusion that he saw on her face. He could tell that she wasn’t exactly sure what they were to her, even though it had been explained. She understood it as much as a six year old could.

“That’s my… Jense and Jared,” she told Carrie.

It must have been explanation enough because Carrie told her, “See, that’s why we’ll get along because I have two daddies too!”

Carrie must have known something that the adults didn’t, because when the girls were shown their classroom, they did indeed have the same teacher. Once Jensen saw how the two girls banded together in the classroom, he felt better about leaving Amanda there.

School was going to be dismissed at two-thirty but Jensen ran out the door, Jared’s laughter ringing in his ears, because he wanted to get to the school at two. He wanted to be early because he had missed six years of her life, and was jealous of the time that she had to spend in school.

When they arrived home, after a quick stop to get something from the studio, Jensen laughed because Jared was standing at the door anxiously waiting for them.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who missed you today, baby girl,” Jensen teased as he reached up to kiss away the frown from Jared’s face.

“Go put your things away and then come back down for your snack,” Jared told Amanda.

Once the little girl had disappeared up the stairs, Jared turned to Jensen and gave him his phone. “It’s Sarah Pond, and she says that she wants Amanda back.”

 

>

Jensen’s hands shook as he took the phone from Jared. “Sarah,” he greeted with more calm than he felt.

“I want her back, Jensen,” Sarah whispered into the phone. “The judge said that she should be with me, so I want her back,”

“Amanda isn’t a sweater that didn’t fit, Sarah. She’s a child and you will not toy with her,” Jensen spat into the phone.

“I am not toying. I miss her so much. When we called to tell you to come and get her, I didn’t really think that you would. I thought then Paul would let me keep her, but now she’s gone and I miss her,” she cried in a loud whisper.

Jensen pulled his cell from his pocket and scrolled down to the number he had as a contact for Sarah’s husband, walked to Jared, and showed him who he was calling before giving him the phone.

Jared began to speak to Paul as Jensen listened to Sarah ramble on about how much she missed her child. Jensen wanted to be able to say that he didn’t feel for her. He really wanted to be as cold-hearted as she had been when she’d taken his child, he really couldn’t. Instead, he remembered how it had felt when she’d walked out of that courtroom, safe in the knowledge that she had her child, and he and Jared could do nothing. This time, it if came down to it, they would fight harder for her, because Jensen knew what it felt like to have his child upstairs in the room that he’d set aside for her all those years ago.

“Let me talk to her, please,” she begged.

“No Sarah, that’s not a good idea. You would only confuse her, so I’m sorry, but no.” He refused.

“Jensen,” a male voice was now talking to him.

“Yeah, Paul what’s going on?”

“Look, Sarah has had too much to drink, so now her guilt and our current situation is eating at her,” Paul explained, but the explanation raised more questions than it answered.

“Why is she drinking? I thought that she was pregnant.” Jensen questioned the other man, secretly glad they had Amanda if this was Sarah’s typical behavior.

“She lost the baby, and she thinks that it’s because she returned Amada to you guys,” Paul cleared up. “It’s not that I didn’t love Amanda because I did, I do but I felt wrong keeping her when she wasn’t ours, and I told Sarah that it wasn’t right. Sarah was hurting, but she was dealing, because she had the baby to look forward to. After she miscarried, her first thought was that we could just come and get Amanda back. I’ve explained to her that that isn’t fair to you guys, and it is especially not fair to a six-year-old who doesn’t understand all of this in the first place.”

Jensen was not sure what he’d been expecting from this conversation, but this wasn’t it. He’d thought they were both evil and he’d hated them, but what he discovered was that there was enough hurt for everyone. Just because he felt feel sorry for them, didn’t mean he was willing to give up Amanda, though.

“Paul may Sarah and I talk for a sec?” Jensen asked.

“Hello,” was the snuffled reply after Paul handed the phone back to his wife.

“Sarah, I’ve been where you are right now.”

“You can’t possibly understand Jensen,” Sarah cried through the phone

“Five times I’ve been there, the empty feeling because you know that there is supposed to be a baby inside you and it’s gone. Your first thought is to fill that emptiness immediately and you want to fill that space with Amanda.”

Sarah’s only response was to cry and Jensen had lost count of the times over the years that he’d cried over the child that he’d lost so he understood her response. He knew that it wasn’t going to be easy for her, because just when he thought that he was having a good day, the slightest thing would make him remember. It could have been the color he was going to paint the nursery, making a doctor’s appointment, or a child’s laughter that would trigger tears.

As he shared this with Sarah, Jared walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist, his large hands resting on the slight swell of their babies. He ended the call and turned into Jared’s arms, seeking the comfort his husband offered.

“I’m so fucking sorry Jen,” Jared apologized as he nuzzled Jensen’s neck. “I get it now.”

“Get what Jared?” Jensen asked as he leaned into Jared’s kiss.

“Just now, as I was listening to you offering comfort to someone who has caused you nothing but an ungodly amount of pain, made me understand why you were so angry with me.”

The confusion must have shown on his face because Jared smiled at him and explained further, “The argument that we had about me not allowing you to offer me the same comfort I offered to you. I cheated you, well us, and we could have gotten past the hurt easier if I hadn’t decided to play alpha male.”

Jensen just smiled and gave Jared another kiss, letting him know without words that all was forgiven.

“Oh, and Jensen, just so you know, even if we didn’t get these little miracles, you would never be anything other than perfect to me.”

After the scare of Sarah’s phone call, Jensen went upstairs to check on Amanda, to reassure himself that she was still here with them, that Sarah and Paul hadn’t somehow magically spirited her away while they were talking on the phone. When he went to her room, she was asleep and he crawled in beside her.



Jensen was frustrated and for once, it didn’t have anything to do with sex. Two days ago, Mandie had told them that she wanted to braid her hair like her new best friend, Carrie, but being men neither Jensen nor Jared knew how to braid. So Jensen has found himself at the mercy of Danneel and Addison. His mom had returned home, but there was no way he would have ever asked her to teach him, because the jokes that would have come from his brother wouldn’t be worth it.

With his tongue caught between his teeth, Jensen was so completely concentrated on the task of braiding hair that he didn’t hear Jared enter the room…with Chad.

Even if Jared thought that the sight of Jensen learning to braid hair was the funniest thing he’d ever seen in his life, he had enough sense not to comment on it. However, the same couldn’t be said for Chad. He laughed so hard at the sight that the soda he was drinking came out of his nose, causing him to choke a little.

“Mandie, why don’t you go and change because I have a surprise for you.” Jared told the little girl, obviously trying to get both little girls out of the room before Jensen, Chad, and Danneel went at each other.

 

“I’m sorry miss,” Chad joked, “for a minute there I thought that you were my friend Jensen. He didn’t tell me he had such a hot sister.”

“Chad, don’t be such an ass,” Danneel told him. “Amanda wanted her hair braided and Jensen wanted to learn to do it for her.”

“Oh, so she got her mommy to do it huh?” Chad continued.

“Okay, okay, let’s break this up before someone’s feelings get hurt,” Jared said as he caught the look on Jensen’s face. “I just came here to get Jensen and Mandie to look at a house the agent found for us.”

“You’ll love it Jenny, it’s close to us, and you and Kenzie can braid each other’s hair…”

“Jared, please tell me that we aren’t going to be living next to Chad,” Jensen demanded of his husband.

“Well, not …next door exactly,” Jared hedged. “Just look at the house before you shoot it down, Jen.”

“Okay, I’ll look, but I’m not promising you anything,” Jensen mumbled.

House hunting had been put off because of the emotional phone call with Sarah and Paul, but that had been over a month ago. The babies that were currently kicking away in Jensen’s womb were getting harder and harder to hide. Whenever Amanda tried to hug him, he could no longer hold her as close as he liked, so they were going to have to tell her soon. Perhaps the house hunting could ease the way.

Jensen was mad because he liked the house. As he stood in between Jared, Chad and the real estate agent, he tried to school his features so that they wouldn’t get too excited. The house had almost everything that they were looking for, as a matter of fact, it was so close to what they wanted. It’s only drawback was the fact that Chad was within walking distance.

“What do you think about it Mandie?” Jensen asked the little girl and his heart sank when he saw the tears in her eyes.

“If we move then, Carrie will think that I don’t love her, same as my mommy and daddy didn’t love me anymore!” she cried, then turning to Jensen she begged, “Jen, please don’t let her think I don’t love her!”

Even though it shouldn’t have, Amanda’s outburst took Jensen by surprise. It stood to reason that she thought that her parents no longer loved her, since she’d been sent to live with two people that she didn’t know. Her situation was not the same as the family Steve and Chris adopted; those kids had had years to adapt to the fact that they had shitty parents, but Amanda had been secure in a loving family before that was ripped from her and now that she was finding her way, they were upsetting her applecart again.

Chad surprised both Jensen and Jared by softly saying, “Amanda, just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean that you and Carrie can’t be friends, you just won’t see her every day because you’ll be going to a new school.”

“But I just got her! I’ll have to find a new friend or I’ll be alone all day at school, and besides, I don’t want another friend! I want Carrie!” She cried louder.

Reaching down to pick up the crying child, Jensen was gently pushed aside by Jared who picked her up instead as he gave Jensen a dirty look. As he stepped away, Jensen knew that he shouldn’t have tried to lift her because of his pregnancy, but his paternal instincts screamed comfort her, “Baby we are not going to take anyone away from you.” Jared assured her.

“Yeah baby girl,” Jensen reassured her. “Just because we’re looking at this house doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to buy it.”

Jensen wanted to ignore the part about Sarah and Paul not loving her out of spite, but in the end his little girl would be the only one hurt, so he knew he had to address it, as well as tell her the reason that they needed a new house. As much as he liked this one, he knew that they would have to find something closer so that she could stay near Carrie.

“Mandie, you do know that—” he hesitated to call Paul and Sarah her parents when the little girl wouldn’t even refer to them as her dads “—your mom and dad loved you right?”

“But they love the new baby more because they sent me away to you,” she sobbed, “Please say that you won’t ever, ever have a baby.”

Jensen knew then that their time was up, that he wouldn’t lie to her, but how does he tell her? Lifting his head, he turned his green eyes to Jared for help.

“I think I hear Kenzie calling me,” Chad said to escape the intense family moment, and it took all of Jensen’s will not to call him a pussy for leaving, even though he knew it was for the best.

Pulling Amanda’s face from Jared’s neck, Jensen asked, “Why don’t you want us to have more babies, Mandie? Don’t you want to be a big sister?”

Turning away from Jensen, she shook her head and mumbled something into Jared’s neck. “What was that?”

“If you have a baby then you won’t want me either.” This time she wailed and Jensen was sure he heard his heart breaking through the pain.

“Baby girl we’ll always want you,” Jensen tried to comfort her, but she was too distraught to listen to what he was saying.

How were they going to tell her this now? Tell her that not only was he pregnant, but there were going to be two babies. He wasn’t going to be able to hide the pregnancy for much longer. He should have known that this transition was going too smoothly, that she was too accepting of her current situation after losing the only parents that she’d ever known.

They finally got the little girl calmed down and there were some hard decisions to be made concerning Amanda and the Ponds, because, like it or not, the four of them were going to have to talk for his little girl’s wellbeing.

Jared reached into his pocket to get the key to the house and tossed it to Jensen, “You give the key back to the agent, and I’ll carry her down to the car.”

Jensen guessed he must have looked pitiful because Jared stopped and assured him, “We’ll figure it out Jen, you’ll see.”

As he watched Jared walk away with their daughter, he hoped that this time Jared would come to him for answers and not his friend.

The ride home was quiet. While Jared drove, Jensen rode in the back seat with Amanda comforting her as much as he could before she cried herself to sleep. He knew that there were issues that he and Jared wouldn’t be able to solve on their own, but he would do everything in his power to make this transition easier for her.

“I’ll get her Jensen,” Jared warned his husband when they pulled into the garage. Jensen jumped back as if he was a young kid caught stealing from the cookie jar.

When the doctor had told him that he needed to take it easy and eliminate the stress in his life, Jensen’s first thought had been cutting back the time he spent in the studio, or how late he stayed up reading scripts for his next project, but not this. He was not prepared for this emotional upheaval, and other things he had no control over. He loved his little girl, and the babies he was carrying were desperately wanted, so he and Jared were going to have to figure something out before the decision was taken out of their hands.

That night Amanda was subdued and nothing either man said drew her out of her shell. They weren’t sure if the problem was that she missed her mommy (Jensen cringed at having to call Sarah that), leaving Carrie, or the thought that a baby would cause her to be kicked out of the family. She was so upset that she barely ate dinner and chose to go to bed early, and Jared and Jensen followed her suit.

Once in bed, between his worry and Jared’s restlessness, Jensen couldn’t sleep. He walked down the hall to watch his daughter sleeping, only to find her tossing and turning as well. Instead of watching his family suffer alone, Jensen entered with the intention of carrying her back to their room, but then he remembered the babies, so he woke Jared and had him carry her instead. Once Jared placed her between the two of them, she settled in and they all fell into a restful sleep.

 

The next morning, after taking Amanda to school, Jensen came home to find Jared on the phone with Chad and it immediately angered him because, there he was again, telling someone else their problems instead of leaning on his husband.

“So what does Chad think that we should do about our daughter?” Jensen snarked at Jared.

“He didn’t say anything because I didn’t discuss her with him; I promised you that you and I were in this together, that if I had any questions or doubts that I would come to you, and I will. I am not a liar Jensen, and I’m going to put this little outburst down to hormones.” Jared said through gritted teeth.

Jensen blushed and ducked his head in shame when he realized that he was calling this man who had been nothing but honest with him a liar, and soon an apology rolled off his lips. “I’m sorry Jared, it’s just …I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You know that we’re going to have to let her talk to Sarah.” Jared said as he walked up to Jensen and hugged him.

“I know, and I’m scared that we’re going to lose her,” Jensen softly cried as he rubbed his stomach. “It’s as though we got a taste of everything we wanted, that we’ve been waiting years for, and now we’re just waiting for it all to be taken away.”

“You can’t think like that, babe, if she goes back to the Ponds we will still be a part of her life. They can’t shut us out this time because we won’t let them, and besides, she’ll have two new siblings in her life she’ll want to see them. She’ll want to see us” Jared rubbed Jensen’s stomach and continued, “No more negative thinking, you, me, and all of our babies, born and unborn, are going to be fine.”

“Do you want to make the call or should I?” Jensen asked, knowing that it really didn’t matter who made it, because the outcome was going to be the same, Amanda was going to want to go home to parents that she knew and loved.

Jared reached for the clip on his belt, removed his cell phone, and scrolled until he found the contact he was looking for.

“Paul,” Jensen heard him greet the man and watched as he put it on speaker so that Jensen could hear. “Look, we have a problem here. Amanda thinks that you and Sarah stopped loving her and, despite us telling her differently, we thought that she might only accept it coming from you guys.”

“We’ll talk to her, and reassure her, but…do you know where we are, where we moved to?” Paul asked.

“No, we don’t, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” Jensen chimed in.

“Everything,” Paul guaranteed them. “We’re in a holler in West Virginia where things haven’t changed that much, where people here don’t appreciate Carriers and surrogacy. Since you guys wouldn’t be here, Amanda would take the brunt of any negative reaction and we just didn’t want that for her.”

“We don’t want that either,” Jensen, agreed, as he mentally calculated the time difference in his head he told Paul, “When she gets settled in from school tomorrow, I’ll give you guys a call.”

Murphy’s Law seems to be in effect for Jensen the past few days because everything that could possibly go wrong did. He’d been feeling sick all day long, so Jared volunteered to retrieve their girl after telling Jensen to rest. When she noticed that Jensen was not in the SUV, she fretted over the fact that he didn’t feel well, and as soon as she got home, Amanda ran to her fathers’ bedroom to offer him comfort.

“Jensen,” she called out as she burst into the room. It was hard to say which of the two was more surprised. Jensen was shirtless and standing in front of the mirror looking at the changes in his body when she entered the room.

He would never forget the look of abject horror on her face when she realized what his protruding stomach meant before she screamed out, “Now you won’t want me either,!” Immediately after her accusation she turned and ran from the room. Instead of going left to her bedroom, she turned right and lost her footing and Jensen could only stare as she tumbled headfirst down the stairs.

>

Jensen hated hospitals. He hated the smells, the noise, the way the nurses and vampires (phlebotomist) wouldn’t let you sleep, but most of all he hated having lost five babies there. Yet he was here again, waiting for news from a fucking doctor about the one who was alive.

While he was waiting, it seemed that everyone was more concerned about him than his daughter, and if one more nurse approached him with a blood pressure cuff, Jensen swore that he was going to delight in seeing how far he could ram it up their ass.

“Jensen, I know you’re worried, but if you don’t calm the fuck down I will tie you to a goddamned bed myself,” Jared growled at him.

“I’m scared Jared,” Jensen cried before he softly voiced his worry, “I can’t lose another baby here, I just can’t.”

“You’re not Jensen, you’re not, but you have to relax so that the two tucked under your heart will be okay. The doctor will take care of Mandie you take care of those two.”

“You guys heard anything yet?” Chris asked as he appeared out of nowhere.

“What are you doing here, Chris?” Jensen questioned his friend, “Why aren’t you home with your babies?”

“Steve is holding down the fort. We felt that one of us needed to be here with you guys, and help out if you needed anything,” he explained. “And besides, I know that Chad is on his way. Even though we are in a hospital and he would get immediate care, I don’t want my pregnant friend going to jail for attempted murder when he tries to lighten the mood with old pregnant man jokes.”

Jensen and Jared both smile at the truth of Chris’ statement and Jensen replied “Well, I’ll just use Jared’s response to everything I do now, hormones.”

“Padalecki.” The nurse called from the double doors.

“Yes,” they answered in simultaneously while rushing forward to meet the nurse.

“Hi, I’m Carmen Evans,” she introduced herself, “and I’m the nurse practitioner on duty and Amanda is my patient tonight. Follow me please.” She turned and walked towards the bays full of sick children.

They thought that she was taking them to their daughter, but instead she led them to a small cubbyhole that she apparently called her office, where another woman was waiting for them.  
Once they made room for the two very large men in the very small room, the other woman introduced herself as Alma Turner, social worker.

Social worker, why did they need a social worker present? He knew that the only reason they’d need a social worker would be because they thought that he or Jared had hurt her.

“Wait a minute, you don’t think…” Jensen started but couldn’t completely vocalize the thought.

“No, no!” Carmen denied, “Physically she is doing fine, but we’d like to keep her here overnight to monitor her to make sure she’s not concussed. Her medical problems are not what’s concerning us.”

“What is concerning us is that fact that she thinks that she doesn’t have a home to go to, that you no longer want her.” Alma finished.

Grimacing, Jensen rubbed his had along the back of his neck as he began to explain why their daughter thought that she wouldn’t be wanted.

“Yeah,” Jared agreed, “We were trying to find the best way to tell her about the babies when she accidentally found out this afternoon.”

The social worker nodded her head as though she understood, before she commented, “I understand how devastating that can be for a young child, but we have to follow up and this will be handled discreetly,” she promised as she smiled at Jared.

“Can we see her now?” Jensen asked, rolling his eyes at the older woman flirting with his husband with him sitting right there.

“Yes, but we’ll have to be present,” Carmen advised.

When he walked into the bay, Jensen took in how small Amanda looked in the large hospital bed. She wasn’t asleep, and looked as though her world had ended when she saw the two men enter.

“Hey baby girl,” Jensen softly greeted, trying to keep the emotion from his voice so that he didn’t scare the little girl.

“You not gonna talk to us sweetie?” Jared asked when the girl didn’t respond.

She looked at them with fat tears rolling down her cheeks, and the lips that were so like Jensen’s began to tremble as she sniffed and pointed at them with an accusing finger and declared, “You don’t want me neither.”

Okay this time maybe Jared was right, the hormones were somewhat at fault, but Jensen would dare anyone to look at the tiny little girl lying in the huge hospital bed and not cry. He was not going to even try to hold back the tears. Judging from the sniffles he heard from behind him, Jared wasn’t successful in fighting them either.

Jensen pulled himself together and sat on one side of the bed while Jared took the other. Once he settled on the bed, Jensen attempted to pull the little girl close, but the babies chose that moment to kick for the first time and it terrified her, causing her to leap towards Jared. As Jared wrapped her into his huge arms, he raised an eyebrow questioning what happened. When Jensen mouthed ‘the baby kicked’, Jared smiled so hard that Jensen swore his dimples got deeper.

Aware of the nurse and social worker watching them, Jensen reached over and carded his fingers through her hair as he asked, “What makes you think that just because I’m having a baby, you’re not wanted?”

“Mommy and daddy only wanted the new baby, and not me,” she cried.

“That’s not true,” Jensen softly disagreed as he looked to Jared to help him explain hatred and prejudice in a way that a six year old could understand.

“They do love you,” Jared explained. “It’s just that since we are your real daddies, we wanted the chance to take care of you, and besides, you get the important job of being big sister to your two brothers.”

“You’re really my daddies?” she asked suspiciously. “Then why can’t I call you daddy?”

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jensen told her, “You can call us daddy if you want, we’d love that.”

“But I can’t call you both daddy,” she told them in a confused voice. “Carrie has a daddy and a Papa, can I have that too?”

“You can,” Jensen told her, “You decide who’s who.”

The little girl tore herself from Jared’s arms and launched herself into Jensen’s, declaring, “You’ll be daddy, and Jared’s Papa!”

That declaration reduced the adults in the small examination bay to blubbering messes. Jensen would have found it fascinating that the professionals were crying as well, if he wasn’t a mess himself.

“Daddy?” Amanda asked sleepily as she looked up at Jensen, whose body shuddered at the pleasure of his daughter calling him daddy. “Did you say I get two brothers? ‘Cause that’s more than Carrie!”

“Jensen, Jared, I’m going to check to see if her room is ready, while you two make arrangements for the home visits from Miss Turner.”

The nurse came back and told them that there wouldn’t be another bed ready for at least an hour. The social worker said that the visits would be unannounced, but she didn’t foresee a problem. She had to follow through because she had been called down for a consult. Jensen was tired physically and emotionally, and once the nurse and the social worker were gone, he and Amanda began a battle to see who could yawn the hardest. Perhaps once they got her to a room, they could get him a cot to sleep on. He wanted to stay, both to make sure that she was doing as well as the nurse practitioner said she was, and so that she knew that he cared and was not abandoning her there.

It was less than an hour when she was taken to the children’s floor, and as soon as they had her settled, Chris called from the ER waiting room to see how she was doing. Jensen had completely forgotten that Chris was there and now Chad had joined him. They gave them the room number so that they could have a quick visit before visiting hours were over.

The two men joined them and had a thirty-minute visit before the nurses came to chase them out. Just as Jensen was going to ask the nurse for a cot, Jared threw him a loop by saying to Chris, “Hey Chris do you mind driving Jensen home? I’m going to stay here with Mandie so I’ll be here to take her home in the morning.”

“No, we’re going to stay here with Mandie,” Jensen corrected.

“Son, you’re not superman, you need rest and you won’t get it here,” Chris said, surprising him.

“Jared, I just wanna…” Jensen started, but one look at Jared told him that the younger man wasn’t going to give in.

Jared walked over to Jensen and explained, “You need rest or I’ll spend the night worrying about both of you, Jen. Besides, it’s just for one night.”

“Why don’t you come home with me, and Jared can get you on the way home in the morning.” Chris suggested.

“Mandie…” Jensen tried to argue, but he knew the men were right; it’s just that he didn’t want to leave her in the hospital, even though he knew that Jared was going to be there.

Jensen found that he didn’t have the energy to argue, so he kissed his sleepy daughter and husband goodnight, and with one last glance, he left with Chris and Chad.

As they walked to the car, Chad looked at Jensen, who was moping because he had to leave his family, and said, “Stop being a whiny bitch and rein those old hormones in.”

“What the fuck do you know about my hormones?” Jensen snapped.

“I know that Jared bitches at you all of the time about them, so if Jared can, so can I.”

“You know,” Jensen started, “because of those hormones, I’m horny as hell right now, you gonna take care of that for Jared since you think you can do what he does?”

Chris was trying not to laugh, but gave up fighting it, stopped, and held his stomach as he laughed so hard that tears were rolling down his cheeks.

“I don’t think that Jared wants you to be that good of a friend,” Chris choked out.

“Why is it that all of my friends like cock?” Chad mumbled to himself. “I need to find some friends that I can discuss the finer points of pussy with, because y’all suck.”

“When we’re not being blown,” Chris agreed and Jensen nodded his head enthusiastically in agreement.

“Fuck my life!” Chad groaned as he reached his car. Before opening the door, he beat his head on the roof as though attempting to get rid of the visual.

Chris’s car was five parking spaces up from Chad’s and as soon as Chris started driving Jensen was asleep. Twenty-five minutes later he was gently being shook awake.

“I ain’t carrying your heavy ass, so get out,” Chris told him.

A groggy Jensen made his way inside the Carlson-Kane (really, that’s how Chris and Steve referred to their home) residence and almost landed flat on his face after tripping over a…doll. As Chris steadied him, Jensen took a good look around the room and was shocked by what he saw. In all of the years that he’d visited the two men, he’d become used to seeing various musical instruments lying about, but now it looked as though a toy store had exploded in the house. Jensen looked at Chris and smiled.

“What?” Chris defended, “You just wait until those two come along and let’s see what you think then.”

“I’m not criticizing, Chris,” Jensen explained to his friend, “It’s just that maybe I’m a little jealous that you and Steve have achieved this in such a short time.”

“You guys will get there, just give it time.”

Jensen nodded in agreement, because after today it seemed as though they were on their way. He wasn’t naive enough to think that it would happen overnight, but the fact that Amanda wanted to call them Daddy and Papa gave him hope.

He was too tired for a shower. Once he was in the guest room, Jensen was soon asleep again and didn’t wake until the next morning, when Jared kissed him as though he was waking a sleeping princess in a fairytale.

“Good morning, Daddy,” Jared greeted a still sleepy Jensen.

“Hey yourself, Papa,” Jared returned the greeting with a smile that was meant for Jensen only.

“None of that,” Steve admonished the men, “There is a little girl standing here and we don’t want to traumatize her”

“Hi Daddy,” came a shy greeting from beside Steve.

“Hey, baby girl,” Jensen sadly greeted her as he took in the bruises she’d gotten from the fall. She seemed a little nervous and shy until Jensen sat up with his back against the headboard and held his arms out to her. She ran to him and gave him a hug.

“What was that?” She asked in awe as she felt the movement from Jensen’s stomach.

“That was your brothers saying good morning to you.” Jensen explained as he took her hand and gently placed it on his stomach so she could feel where the babies were kicking.

“Well that’s not fair that they say hello to you before they say hello to their Papa,” Jared mock-complained as he joined his family on the bed and placed his hand over where the baby last kicked.

“If the Padaleckis are through feeling Jensen up, the Carlson-Kane’s are about to have breakfast, if you guys are interested,” Steve told then from the doorway.

Breakfast with Steve and Chris gave Jensen a glimpse into what they had to look forward to. If his boys were anything like their Papa, they were going to be super protective of Mandie, but he even looked forward to that as well.



At almost seven months pregnant with twins, Jensen Ackles-Padalecki was miserable. His husband spouted all of the right platitudes about how he would carry the babies or take some of the misery if he could, but Jensen was not so sure about that. He had some not-so-fond memories of nursing Jared back from a grievous paper cut, so he had firsthand knowledge of how big of a baby Jared could be when he was sick.

His expanding stomach was currently making it hard to drive, and with Jared in the middle of filming his latest action thriller, he was not on hand, so Jensen had to either depend on friends or hire a driver. Normally that wouldn’t bother him, but dealing with an active six year old and house-hunting on his own meant he had to wait for the driver whenever he wanted to go somewhere. Now that his friends had kids of their own, Jensen didn’t feel that he should interrupt their family time, so the driver won out.

Amanda and Carrie had a sleepover the night before attending a mutual friend’s birthday party, and Jensen was responsible for getting them there. Jensen didn’t think that the girl, Jennifer, was even a good friend. Everyone in their class had been invited, and Amanda and Carrie didn’t want to be the only ones who didn’t attend. Being the awesome daddy that he was, Jensen squashed his original idea of trying to talk them out of going so he could sleep, and made sure that they were there.

When the car pulled up to Jennifer’s house, the girls jumped out and ran to the front door, eager to join their classmates, leaving Jensen to struggle out of the car. When he finally managed to waddle inside, Jensen fell in love with the house. It was everything he and Jared wanted, except that it wasn’t for sale. As he was helped outside on the patio, he pictured the ghosts of Harley, Sadie, Oscar and Icky all frolicking on the acreage that these people called a back yard. There was a swimming pool, and Jared could probably enjoy his run without leaving the property. It was a little more Hollywood than he wanted, but it was a beautiful Hollywood.

He would like their realtor to see this house so that she would have some goddamn clue as to what they were looking for, because it seemed as though her mission in life was to make Jensen lose his cool. As the babies danced on his bladder, he waddled again, but this time upstairs to the bathroom and was gone so long that his host had to come looking for him. He blamed getting lost on pregnancy brain.

“Yeah, I remember that,” she joked with him.

“I love your house,” Jensen told her when she fell silent as they made their way back downstairs.

“Thank you,” she proudly beamed, “I’ve finally got it the way I wanted and my husband’s job decided to transfer him to England, so we have to sell and that is going to be a nightmare,”

“Not necessarily,” Jensen smiled back, and just like that, they had a new home. Three weeks later, they were moved in.

Because he was so close to his eighth month, Jensen began nesting, and even though they had just moved into the house, he went on a cleaning spree. Eventually deciding that he would not be tempting fate, he began to work on the nursery, beginning with finally ordering the furniture for the room. He and Amanda (with the aid of Jensen’s favorite set designer Damien) decorated and painted the nursery, and since his daughter’s favorite movie, The Legend of the Guardians, featured owls, Jensen had the set designer paint more kid friendly owls and birds sitting in a tree on the wall with a soft yellow background. Just because they were boys that didn’t mean that they had to be traditional and drown them in blue.

Jensen had forbid Jared entrance into the nursery until it was finished, so he and Amanda were excited about showing Jared the nursery that they had worked so hard on. He’d been having backaches all day so he leaned on Jared as he led him to the room. They stopped him at the closed door.

“No peeking Papa,” Amanda told Jared as she covered his eyes from her perch in his arms, while Jensen opened the door.

“It’s gorgeous Jen.” As he glanced around the room Jensen noticed that he took in the fact that there was two of everything, including two very comfortable looking rocking chairs before he demanded, “But please tell me that you didn’t do all of this by yourself, and by yourself I mean lift this heavy ass furniture and get on a ladder to paint this room.”

“No silly,” Amanda told him, “Daddy had to be careful so that my brothers won’t get hurt, so Damien helped.”

Jensen walked over and gave her a kiss, smirking at Jared, “Thanks baby for knowing Daddy isn’t stupid, and by Damien helped she means he did 90% of the work.”

Jared blushed and apologized, “I don’t think you’re stupid Jensen, but sometimes in your haste to get things done right, you don’t always think about the correct process of getting them done.”

“Jared,” Jensen pleaded.

“I know, I know. Look I know we were waiting, but I saw these and I had mom send some things last month. I didn’t want to show them to you until you were ready for the nursery. Wait here.” He lowered Amanda to the floor and went through the door that connected the nursery to their master suite.

Jensen smiled when a sheepish Jared surprised him with baby clothes that included several little Dallas Cowboys onesies and toboggans with a blue star, because he could picture his little bruisers rooting for the Cowboys.

After showing Jared the nursery, the three of them made their way downstairs to prepare dinner, with Amanda tagging closely behind Jensen. Jensen was standing at the sink when Amanda whispered loudly to Jared, “Papa, Daddy wet himself!”

Jensen’s entire body stiffened at his daughter’s announcement, because he had hoped he could have slipped upstairs and changed before calmly advising Jared that it was time. Now Jared was going to panic and Jensen wasn’t so sure he wasn’t going to either.

“Jensen,” Jared asked, “Is it time?”

Taking a deep breath, Jensen nodded his affirmation as the first contraction tore through his body, rendering him speechless for a moment.

“Okay, okay…um,” Jared began. “I…”

Jensen checked to make sure that the stove was turned off, because he didn’t want to have the house burn down while they were at the hospital, then turned to Jared and instructed, “Call Danneel. She is going to take care of Mandie. I have a bag packed for both of us in the hall closet, so go get them, babe.”

When the second contraction hit him, it occurred to Jensen that they probably should time, so he glanced at his watch, but couldn’t focus. Jared would have to be in charge of the time keeping.

He listened as Jared talked to Danni and realized how scared he was at this moment. When the backaches had started earlier, it had worried him, because it reminded him of all of the miscarriages he’d experienced, and it wasn’t until his water broke that he felt a little relieved. He wouldn’t completely relax until his babies were sleeping upstairs in the nursery.

Jared and Amanda came back into the kitchen bearing the overnight bags and some clean pants for Jensen.

“Mandie, why don’t you go into the family room and watch television while I help Daddy change his pants.” Jared instructed the little girl.

“ ‘Kay, Papa,” she said in a small voice as she stared at Jensen

“Daddy’s going to be alright,” Jensen tried to reassure her, “Your brothers are just anxious to meet you.”

Once they were sure the little girl was settled in front of the television, Jensen and Jared made their way to the bathroom just off from the den, and Jensen sat on the toilet and let Jared remove his soiled shoes and socks, before helping him out of his pants and underwear. The minute he was in dry clothes, Jensen felt a little better until the next contraction hit.

“I’m so scared and happy at the same time, Jare,” Jensen confessed to his husband after the pain from the contraction was gone. “We’ve never made it this far before and I think it will kill me if something goes wrong.”

“It…’m scared too Jen I want to be strong and tell you everything will be okay, but I’m scared too. Over the years we’ve watched this happen for our friends, but this part has never been us, and we’ve come too far for it to go wrong now, but the fact of the matter is I…we know it can go very wrong and I’m so fucking scared.”

There were no words that would erase the fear that both men were experiencing, so after a brief hug, they headed back to the family room to Amanda and the three of them waited for Danneel to arrive.

When the next contraction hit him, Jensen held onto Jared’s hand to hide the pain from Amanda. Remembered that they needed to time the contractions, he lifted Jared’s arm and said, “It’s 6:35, you time them from now on.”

“Bossy,” Jared teased as he viewed his watch.

Fifteen minutes and a contraction later, Danneel arrived and they left for the hospital. Fourteen hours later, Brady and Liam Padalecki were born healthy except for a slight case of jaundice, and this time, the tears their parents shed were tears of happiness.

Jensen woke up to see a little head poking through the door of his hospital room.

“I wanna see my brothers,” Amanda told him in the loud whisper that she’d patented.

She pushed the door open and was followed in by Danneel, Chad, Kenzie, his nephew Logan, and Jensen and Jared’s parents. Once inside the room, she ran to climb up onto the bed but two large hands stopped her.

“Daddy is sore, so you can’t jump on him,” Jared explained as he picked her up and walked to the bassinet where the babies were sleeping, “But your brothers are waiting to meet their big sister.”

The adults in the small room smiled as the little girl gazed at the little babies with wonder.

“So Jensen,” Chad started as he nodded towards the bassinet, “You trying to make sure they’re ready for the people magazine cover, so you put them in the tanning bed?”

“They’re bruisers, Uncle Jen,” Logan teased at the small babies.

“Don’t pay him any attention Jensen. Jared was my smallest baby, but look at him now.” Jared’s mom pointed out.

“Chris said they’ll see you sometime next week because there is a cold in the Carlson-Kane household.” Danneel advised him.

At Danneel’s announcement, everyone started talking and cooing over the babies. Jensen looked over to where Jared was attempting to show their daughter that he knew the difference between the two of them already, and gave them a tired smile. It might have taken him twenty-five years to get here, but in two days, he was going home to three kids and a husband who loved him dearly. If this was the result, he wouldn’t change one thing.

After everyone had gone, and Jared lay sprawled uncomfortably in the fold-out chair, Jensen got out of bed to retrieve the diary he’d started the day he found out about the pregnancy.

 

Welcome to the world Brady and Liam,

Your Papa and I have waited twenty years for you and you were so worth the wait. I have counted and recounted twenty fingers and twenty toes to make sure that they’re all there, but even if you were claw-fingered Cyclops, you’d be the most beautiful babies the world had ever seen.

Your big sister Amanda is just as eager for you to come home as your Papa and I. She is waiting to impart all of the knowledge she has learned in her six years, so I want you boys to promise me that when you’re older, you won’t terrorize her. Right now I’m watching you sleep, and I know that this is probably the only peace you’re going to give me for the next eighteen or so years, but I look forward to it. Happy Birthday boys,

Love Dad

p.s. Brady, no matter what your uncle Chad tells you, your sister chose your name.


End file.
